When You’ve Been In College Long Enough That Home Isn’t Quite Home Any More

(2.1 minute read)

Finals week is over. I got a D- for the first time in my life. The worst I’ve ever gotten before was a B, and that was only once. I was actually happy about it though, because I thought I would get an F… and at my college, if you fail one class you have to retake the entire semester (which is no small joke because I took 17 credits!!). Both the B and the D- were on math courses… go figure.

This is the first time I’ve been home in a year. . . well almost, I was home for about four days at the beginning of the summer but that doesn’t really count. My family moved while I was gone. We don’t even have the same furniture. They also have their routine down now, a routine for just the three of them, and I feel like I’m looking in from the outside. And now I’m just wondering. . . where is home? Where’s that one place I’ll always want to go back to? Because I’m not sure that it’s here. But I’m also not sure if it’s my dorm. I don’t know if it’s my family, or my makeshift family of friends and boyfriend. And I also don’t know how I feel about that, or how I’m supposed to feel about that.

What’s more surprising is that it took almost two years to feel like this… or maybe, I’m surprised that it took so little time. I’m not sure what I expected. How long did it take you guys to encounter this kind of anxiety in college? Did you ever? How did you cope with it?


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