(3.6 minute read)
In response to Why Saying That You Have ‘Trust Issues’ Will Hurt You In The End.
It was late, and my boyfriend-to-be was walking me back from a long day of surviving college. We were “talking;” we were talking about having a relationship and looking at the possibilities and outcomes from every over-thought angle.
“I don’t know,” he sighed.
I stopped walking. “Well… I trust you. And I think that, at least, means something, because trusting doesn’t come easily to me.”
The rest of that conversation cannot be compared to giving him a crown, then taking it away. It was holding a crown up for him to see, and telling him that it wasn’t the shiniest, or the newest, or the best. It was a little worn, and it was missing a gem even though it may be hard to notice at first. But that crown is all I had to offer, and I wanted to offer it to him–and he was under no obligation to take it.
I didn’t sell myself short my telling him the truth. I was preventing a relationship from starting that would definitely hurt us both, when that pain could have been avoided. I was preventing misunderstandings from happening in the future, if he did still choose to be with me. Like the first time he tried to kiss me, and I freaked out; instead of taking it personally and being hurt, he understood that I needed more time to get to know him, and he knew why. Or, just being patient with my being so slow to open up to people. Or knowing why I hurt so deeply when he makes a mistake; and then being especially warmed by my forgiveness since it is harder for me to give than it is for many other people.
He didn’t say, “I know you don’t trust anybody, but you can trust me [seriously].” He said, “I know it’s hard for you to trust, but I will do my best to show you that there are still a lot of people out there who won’t betray it.”
He didn’t say, “If you let me in, I can show you how to trust again–but you keep blocking me out.” He said, “Thank you choosing to let me in, even though it takes you more time.”
He also didn’t say, “I understand that they hurt you and broke your trust, but I AM NOT THEM.” He said, “I understand that they hurt you and broke your trust, and I am also human and I make mistakes, but I will do my very best not to, because I care about you so very much.”
Having trust issues does not make you weak. It does not make you broken. It doesn’t cheat other people out of anything. It’s simply a result of the realization that the world isn’t as kind as you once thought it was, and it’s the truth.