(1.1 minute read)
- Tissues: for math tears, or science tears, or English tears, or I’m-a-grown-ass-human-being-with-responsibilities-what-now tears.
- Stapler: to inflict injuries on anyone who interrupts your study session with inane conversation or lists of even more things you have to do, simultaneously, in the next 26 minutes and 40 seconds of your pathetic existence.
- Highlighters: to consume your textbooks in the rainbow of colors waiting for you out there in the great big beautiful world you will never see because you’re inside sitting in a dark room going blind memorizing textbooks.
- Permanent markers: to remind you of the permanent consequences you will face like homelessness, disease, and rejection by all cute, furry cats on this planet, if you fail the next midterm.
- Spinning roller chair: to spin around on at 50mph while laughing hysterically for no reason as you face your latest existential crisis because, college.