An Unlikely Love Story: Misadventures of the Supremely Awkward

I was a freshman. He was a junior. I’m awkward as hell.

He thinks that’s charming.

I was sitting by the fireplace watching everyone else dance, and laugh, and have a good time. A tired, sulky girl walked over, “Love sucks.” I blinked acknowledgement of her existence. “Having a broken heart sucks,” she said. I didn’t feel like playing therapist that night, so I just looked at her with pity and said, “Yeah.” “What’s wrong with you? Still having trouble with Ajax?” “Um. No.” “Who is it?”

And then he walks over, right on cue. I left the question unanswered. I listened to conversation go on around me, per usual. “Dammit I wish I could do words, wording would be good, just have anything worthwhile to say at all,” I thought. Then the girl he spent the last semester following around came over, and I listened to them banter, trying not to let bitterness consume my entire existence. Finally, she left.

“How are you?” I snapped out of my alternate universe and shut up my inner dialogue to realize that he was talking to me. I sat up straighter, and started to tell him I was just dandy, when my chair fell backward and there I was on the floor in a heap staring at the ceiling. Laughter erupted around me.

My teacher was drawling away, and all of a sudden I felt sick. I got up to leave for the restroom so as not to make a show, but passed out in the middle of the hallway halfway there. And who finds me unconscious in a school hall? Yeah he does. Out of the entire student body, he does. Great. Wonderful. Here I am, a mess spilled out on the floor, feeling like I just swallowed 5 frogs, barely with my wits about me, and he comes along to wake me up and walk my pathetic self to the student lounge building where I subsequently pass out again on a couch after muttering indecipherable strings of syllables.

I wake up, and he’s still there. And apparently he skipped class be so. My backpack and all my books are magically there, and a jacket’s blanketed over me.

It’s Valentine’s day and one of the seniors put on a speed dating event at a local restaurant. I went with some friends as a joke, trying not to make eye contact with anyone I thought was taking it seriously. Finally I get to the second to last person – and it’s him. “Haha. Didn’t know you were coming. Hopefully it’s not another zombie apocalypse question right? Because those zombies, man… they. Yeah. Aha.. ha. I’d totally get a flamethrower.”

Today we’ve been “official” for several months. Here’s me, wishing all the other awkward people in the world luck and encouragement.


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